I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
