Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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