Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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