I wish I could teleport
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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