This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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