so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
