If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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