youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
