i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
