I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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