If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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