last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
