She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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