I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
