i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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