I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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