just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
