why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
