So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Found the puke drawer
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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