using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
