I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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