he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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