saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
