I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
