i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
