I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
