Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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  (970): He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster http://tfl.nu/ubg8
  Replies (86) Good night (1006) Bad night (3733)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.

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  (217): My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you. http://tfl.nu/w1fj
  Replies (26) Good night (4941) Bad night (967)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  details please.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."

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  (317): dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life. (1-317): details please. (317): they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first." http://tfl.nu/d384
  Replies (61) Good night (5304) Bad night (521)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

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  (405): I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny. http://tfl.nu/uleh
  Replies (30) Good night (5693) Bad night (1132)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.

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  (603): he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained. http://tfl.nu/iy0m
  Replies (11) Good night (1801) Bad night (1229)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."

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  (901): You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants." http://tfl.nu/f9vw
  Replies (6) Good night (461) Bad night (1139)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.

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  (816): Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again. http://tfl.nu/9z7k
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (977)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.

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  (312): He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning. http://tfl.nu/pfuk
  Replies (6) Good night (1483) Bad night (352)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  Um, OK. WTF?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.

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  (410): Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy. (1-410): Um, OK. WTF? (410): The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times. http://tfl.nu/4f6p
  Replies (24) Good night (2574) Bad night (424)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.

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  (330): Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing. http://tfl.nu/k9wn
  Replies (9) Good night (1128) Bad night (329)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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  (940): Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits. http://tfl.nu/jw0d
  Replies (10) Good night (879) Bad night (337)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.

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  (917): Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP. http://tfl.nu/0qve
  Replies (2) Good night (411) Bad night (729)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?

  (650): View more from California

  I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.

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  (801): You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address? (650): I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days. http://tfl.nu/fel9
  Replies (3) Good night (952) Bad night (325)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!

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  (612): He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants! http://tfl.nu/fscl
  Replies (7) Good night (629) Bad night (339)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.

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  (802): at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record. http://tfl.nu/do7t
  Replies (6) Good night (850) Bad night (418)

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