I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.