i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.