Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...