I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off