Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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