Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
