I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Two words: blizzard sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
