i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
