I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
