it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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