if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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