Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
