You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Are these your boobs on my camera?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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