ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
