At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
