I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
