i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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