i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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