I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
