I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
