it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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