Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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