I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
