Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
