i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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