Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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