He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He passed out mid-signature
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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