we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
