Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
