At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
