I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
