We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
