too bad you live with your parents still
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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