so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
