I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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