Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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