Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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