I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
