I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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